Welcome to Barny's

SubstackLand's Newest Bar Opening

Welcome to Barny’s, the most exciting new bar in all of SubstackLand.

Imagine tiny, shallow glasses frosted with crisp, golden beer.

Imagine cracked concrete floors and (soon to be) cobalt blue walls

Imagine the cool young and the cool old rubbing shoulders under sexy, dark lights.

Amongst them: gangsters, gigolos, and grannies. Amongst them: players, pirates, and painters. And amongst them: real people, you and me.

The distilled bar is:

A place to go
A place to drink
A place to convene

There’s more though isn’t there. My finger searches for something to lay itself upon and it finds attitude, that with which the bar is approached. Blacker shirts, shorter skirts; there’s sex in the air and God’s pleased, vibrations and mezcal his tools.

The life signal is stronger in the bar. We are closer to something that we feel and can’t articulate, the current of whatever that circles and gyrates through all people and all things on this planet and the next. The cafe’s of this world; the bar’s a portal to another.

And if that’s what it is, then Barny’s might well be less metaphorical than originally conceived.

So what to expect?

On Notes: micro stories and overheard happenings of the bar.

Why has the poet bought a wind turbine? What happened when the policeman took shrooms playing werewolf? From whom can I buy a legitimate love potion?

I’ll also post job openings, events and advertisements through description. After all, this is a bar and so there’s food and there’s drink (for convoluted metaphorical consistency) that my CFO says probably needs describing.

In short: a shred of the real world reflected in the imaginary.

On Longer Form: restaurant reviews of our parasocial rivals in the real world. Madrid based, Madrid Metropolitan published: Madrid is Barny’s anchor. I’ll also publish (through Barny’s Publishing, the bar’s in house publishing capabilities) new short stories and essays on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (not really) by me and my talented, talented friends - something to read whilst you enjoy a vermut at the bar, plucking up the courage to meet someone new (might it be yourself?). And fuck it, why not a newsletter every couple of weeks to sum it all up.

Barny’s encourages tap water drinkers (free subscribers) because the tap water’s BANGING here, and it’s important to stay hydrated.

But also, if you want to grab a drink (get it?) then wow, you’d be amongst the coolest of the cool in the coolest new cool spot in all of SubstackLand. We might even serve metaphorical olives.

FIRST NIGHT: THURSDAY 20TH FEBRUARY, 9PM.

(What does that mean? I haven’t worked that one out yet. I’ll let you know.)